SOTW: Working Moms Against Guilt
When I was casting about for support in my new-working-momhood, one of the first sites I discovered was Working Moms Against Guilt. And like my well-worn copies of Adele Faber's parenting books, the Web site has remained a resource -- a voice for women (and men) who believe there is more to our identity than just mommy. Who challenge the notion that mom should automatically be the one to stay home with a child.
So belatedly, I'm making Working Moms Against Guilt my site of the week. The group blog has four authors, so it can have a bit of a grab bag feel. First you're reading easy recipes, then a piece about mental health and then some personal photographs of kids or an upcoming charity run. It's like a mommy group with an open door, welcoming you to pull up a chair and join the conversation.
If you visit the site, please let me know what you think!
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Thrifty Thursday: Start Early to Save on Holiday Gifts
I'm in Singapore this week, and since there's no Thanksgiving here, the Christmas decorations are already going up! While this may seem crazy in early November, it is the perfect reminder for me to start trolling for great holiday gifts at bargain prices.
I know that Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) is traditionally seen as the bargain opportunity of the year, as well as the kickoff to the U.S. holiday season. But throughout the entire year, you can save money on holiday gifts by strategically shopping for the people on your list. As you hear them mention a book they'd like, or a kitchen gadget they need, write it down and keep an eye out for that item in your usual rounds of shopping.
I also do this with birthday gifts. If I find a great, inexpensive gift for a 5-year old, I buy two because I know my daughter will inevitably be invited to more than one birthday party. The only trick is keeping the kids out of my "gift closet" since they tend to wander in and drool over all the goodies.
What's your method for holiday gift shopping? Far in advance or last minute? Or perhaps somewhere in between?
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Work Travel Can Be a Relief
Recently, a friend went on a work trip to Paris. I instantly imagined the scene: beautiful wide boulevards, enticing cafes, clean hotel sheets and a full night's sleep without a single child demanding water, a blanket or comfort for a bad dream. Yes, I was jealous. Even the packed days of meetings and conference events would be a nice change of pace from the draining, every day trudge.
Still, work travel can disrupt your family routines. As much as I like to get away, I miss my children and husband fiercely. And sometimes it seems that the effort of preparing the family for a trip -- from setting out clothes to setting up playdates -- creates as much work as you escape.
How do you make work travel easier on yourself, and your children?
Photo credit: Stockbyte/Getty Images
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How Was Your Halloween?
This Halloween was torture for me because I was separated from my kids. I asked my husband and dad to videotape their expressions and take lots of photos, but the two-dimensional experience just wasn't the same.
So I'm asking, as a favor, please share your Halloween experiences with me and the About Working Moms readers. I'm trying to store up all the Halloween fun and excitement from a distance, to make me less homesick. (Or should I say, kidsick, since I miss my kids?)
I hope it was a great one for you! I am just keeping my fingers crossed that there's some candy left for me when I return home.
Photo credit: Will Patton/Getty Images
SOTW: Rutgers' Center for Women and Work
As much as we in the media like to write about the gender pay gap and working moms' woes, we would fall short of hard data if it weren't for academics doing actual research on our work-life struggles. That's one reason I'm making the Rutgers' Center for Women and Work the About Working Moms Site of the Week.
The center supports research on gender equity and high-skill jobs and organizes events to help women looking for work in the midst of the recession. Director Eileen Appelbaum has testified before Congress on the importance of family-friendly workplaces and is often quoted by (ahem) writers on work-life balance.
If you have a suggestion for a future site of the week, please let me know!
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Thrifty Thursday: Always Ask for a Discount
Earlier this month, my husband and I celebrated his birthday with a fancy dinner and dancing. Just as I was about to pay, I asked if the establishment honored any discounts. To my delight, the answer was yes and we saved 15 percent on the overall bill!
That experience reminded me that it's smart to always ask for a discount. If you are a member of AAA, the military or another group, you can often save 10 or 15 percent on goods and services. And even if there's not a formal discount program, retailers understand that times are tough and usually will give you a break on the price.
Some helpful phrases that may save you money: "Can you do any better on the price?" "If I buy two of these, can you discount the price?" If you say it with a smile and an open expression, you just may walk away with a bit more change in your pocket.
Photo credit: Inti St. Clair/Getty Images
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Are You Ready for Halloween?
I don't remember Halloween being this big a deal when I was a kid. My children have already been to two pumpkin patches, received a "Boo" package from an anonymous neighbor, prepared reciprocal "Boo" baskets for two other neighbors and tried on their costumes every night for a week.
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the extent to which Halloween has taken over our home. Each girl has two costumes, one for the 70-degree, sunny Halloween parade at school and one for the 50-degree trick-or-treating at night. (We live in the mid-Atlantic. And yes, two are recycled from last year and one was a consignment find.)
Our front stoop is decorated with five pumpkins, two painted, and there's a ghost on the doorknob. I've even been asked by a 5-year old to teach her how to make pumpkin ravioli. I can't imagine what the scene will be by the time Saturday rolls around!
What's Halloween like in your house? I wish you a fabulous holiday, with no crying or sugar-overloaded children.
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SOTW: A Woman's Nation
As I read the reports leading up to the Women's Conference this week, I longed to jet to California to join the conversation led by Maria Shriver about women's status in modern society, gender roles and how our country needs to change to accommodate the increasing number of dual-earner families with children or other family obligations. So it seems only fitting that A Woman's Nation, the Web site associated with the conference, should be the About Working Moms Site of the Week.
A Woman's Nation brings together scholars and policy wonks to create a wide-ranging report on U.S. families and our needs today. By juxtaposing women's march into the labor force with the lack of progress by government, business and religious institutions, the report creates a vivid picture of the work yet to be done to reach true gender equality in the U.S. and support all families, workers and needy members of our society. I applaud the Shriver Report for articulating that work-life balance and caregiving are no longer just women's issues. They affect fathers, husbands, aunts, sons, nieces, grandchildren, marathon runners, pet owners and many others.
Here are some highlights from the report:
- Women are half of all U.S. workers and mothers are the primary breadwinners or co-breadwinners in nearly two-thirds of American families. By comparison, in 1967 women were only one-third of workers.
- A whopping 80 percent of families with children still at home follow non-traditional gender roles (i.e. no female homemaker).
- Men and women alike have accepted that working mothers are the majority, and the battle of the sexes has been replaced by negotiations over child care, elder care, work and family obligations.
- All Americans want flexible work schedules, comprehensive child care and paid family leave, according to a new poll released with the report.
- Even when women receive the same degrees as men, we continue to face lower wages and fewer high-paying job prospects.
- The most stable, high-quality marriages are those where men and women share both paid and domestic work.
I encourage you to read at least the executive summary of the report, and dip liberally into the essays on the Web site. (For instance, how sexual stereotypes in the media affect our children's life and career choices.) Then, let me know what you think!
Photo credit: Associated Press/Jennifer Graylock
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Thrifty Thursday: End Your Car Lease to Save
I've blogged before about how I love saving money by taking public transportation. For years we've had a single family car to cut costs and spare the environment. According to LeaseTrader.com, we're not the only family conserving money these days. The number of LeaseTrader.com customers transferring out of car leases to share the only remaining family car has tripled this year.
Whether or not you lease a car, you'll save money by downsizing to a single vehicle. (Or from three to two cars, if you're a family with teen or grandparent drivers.) According to AAA, it costs about $8,000 a year to own and operate a new sedan. One of the side benefits we've enjoyed is more family togetherness, as my husband and I tend to carpool together and have some quiet time after dropping the kids off in the morning. Of course we spend less on gas, registration, auto insurance and (ahem) parking tickets.
You may think it's impossible to shuttle kids and adults to all their obligations in just one car, but think it through. Can you carpool with friends or neighbors to children's activities? Can you or your spouse telecommute a day or two each week or carpool to work with a collague? You may find that some creativity will save you money -- and maybe even change your life.
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How Working Moms Supervise Tweens After School
I've been thinking about after school care for tweens ever since I read a recent Washington Post piece by a working mom of an 11-year old fretting that he was too old for formal aftercare but too young for teen-oriented programs that focus on drug and pregnancy prevention. The writer ended up letting him stay home alone for nearly three hours every day, not without guilt, and cited Census figures showing at least 6 million U.S. children are in the same boat. I was a "latchkey key" myself and never got into trouble, but somehow it seems like a scarier world now for tweens, especially my little girls.
How do you know if your tween is old enough to stay home alone? When our oldest was a tween, she stayed so busy with music lessons, sports and rehearsals after school that it was a moot point. Now she has an afterschool job on top of the extracurriculars, so I don't worry about where she is. But for our little girls, living in a major metropolitan area, I can't imagine letting them walk home alone, much less staying there for hours on end without child care.
What's your take? Can tweens supervise themselves after school? Is it better or worse if there are siblings in the house?
Photo credit: Stockxpert
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