The Mommy Wars are threatening to erupt again, after many months of détente. The latest salvo is a study from the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute in Australia that says children of part-time working mothers have better health outcomes than the offspring of either full-time working moms or stay-at-home moms. If you're like me (and most of my friends) the first thing that crossed your mind when reading that sentence was: "Does this mean I'm a good mom?"
Why is it that we look for validation in research for the choices we've made for our family? I have to keep reminding myself, the best source of reassurance is under our noses. If your child is happy, sleeping and growing well, making friends, learning and thriving in school -- you shouldn't worry about the social science research that comes out. And even when she or he hits those inevitable rough patches, there's no reason to assume that it's because of your work choices. (Indeed, the study itself acknowledged that the association between maternal work hours and children's health was small.)
Personally, I've experienced every acronym of motherhood: full-time working outside the home, part-time working outside the home, part-time work from home and even stay-at-home, if you consider the six months I took off for each of my two maternity leaves. I have to acknowledge that my ideal was working part-time, as it is for many parents, but sometimes that just isn't possible. Right now, for instance, I've made an uneasy peace with the fact that my career currently demands more than 40 hours a week. The silver lining is that I can choose when to work those hours, so I often end the workday early to spend time with my family and pick up work again between 8 and 11 pm at night.
The second question that crossed my mind after reading the study was this: what about the dads? The study found that at ages 4-5, children of part-time working mothers "were less likely to be overweight, watched less TV, ate less junk food and were more physically active," according to a news release on the study, which came to my attention through a Chicago Tribune story. Researcher Jan Nicholson said in an email that most of the fathers worked full-time, so it wasn't a variable.
I'm not convinced. It's entirely possible that the stay-at-home moms in the study, for instance, left the labor force because their husbands had intense, professional jobs that demanded far more than full-time work. Certainly, it's a question worth asking, since children seem to notice when they don't get to spend time with their fathers. My husband's flexible work hours allow him to take our children to after-school activities at least one day a week, and overall he carries at least 50 percent of the burden of child care. I believe our daughters are better off for having close, time-intensive relationships with both parents. Maybe the part-time working mothers in the study had similar parenting partnerships.
My final question about the study is perhaps the most telling. The researchers found a small association between children's weight and mothers' work hours at ages 4-5 but not at ages 6-7. So why, then, is the paper titled, "Do working mothers raise couch potato kids?" Couldn't it just as easily be titled, "Mothers' work hours don't matter to children's well being"?
What do you think about a parent's work hours and how they impact the children? And what about the focus by many in the media and academia on mothers -- is it fair game for study, or should we be asking similar questions about fathers and children?
Photo credit: Getty Images
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Hi, i dont see a date on this upload but howsever i want to say something, im a full time worker and a full time mother!! i have 2 girls age 4 and 1 and i’m so torn at the moment… i want to work part time to be around more for my girls but my husband says we cant afford to do that now in this climate. My husbands job is flexible so he does the school runs and has the kids until 2:30pm each day then they go to their grandmothers and i collect them at 5:10pm but its me that’s torn i want to go part time and be around for this years.. especially since my oldest has started school… does every mother of 2 feel this way, i feel overwhealmed sometimes at the prospect of working full time and raising my kids???? anyone feel the same????