If you're considering an au pair to provide child care, the most important decision you'll make is which individual to hire. Typically you screen candidates for au pair jobs via a phone or Skype interview, before that person even leaves her home country. So the questions you ask are vital in assessing whether the young woman you're interviewing can handle the demands of an au pair job: providing full-time child care in a country far from her family.
Go beyond the questions you've most likely received from your au pair agency, about the person's child care experience and skills, to really probe whether the people you're considering are a good fit for the au pair jobs they want. This person will be living in your home, after all! Here's a list of questions you should ask, and what to look for in the answer:
When did you decide you wanted to be an au pair? What happened in your life to make you decide on this move?
The answer to this question will help you determine whether the candidate has thought through the decision, or whether it was a spur of the moment thing. You'll also provide an opening for her to share any recent life traumas, such as losing a job or failing out of university. That might indicate that the au pair job is a backup plan, as opposed to a way to combine her deep-seated passion for child care with an interest in living abroad.
What did your mother say about your decision?
The au pair's relationship with her mother can tell you a lot about her, and how stable her background is. You'll gain insight into whether her family supports her move, whether she might get homesick and in whom she confides. An au pair who lacks a warm, supportive family may be more cold, too needy, lacking affection, or worse, looking for a father figure or to snag an American husband.
Take us through your day from morning until now. What did you do today?
This will give you a sense of the au pair's personality and intrinsic motivation. If she slept late and lazed around the house, you'll have a very different child care provider from one who went for an early-morning jog, visited her grandmother and volunteered at a local nursery school. Remember that an au pair spends most of the day with small children, so someone who's used to socializing with peers all the time may feel isolated in a suburban American neighborhood.
Look around your bedroom. Can you describe it for us?
The answer to this question will give you a sense of the au pair candidate's interests, tastes and style. You also may learn whether she's neat or messy, how organized she is and whether she's used to a large living space or smaller sleeping quarters.
Suppose our daughter has trouble sharing toys. She often tugs on another child's toy and tries to take it. (Feel free to adapt to your own child.) What would you do if you saw this?
The au pair may be stumped by this question, or she may give a well-thought out answer that shows that she's had experience supervising multiple small children and negotiating their battles. You'll also have an opportunity to see whether she asks your opinion and how open she is to your own parenting choices.
Follow up this question with another: what type of discipline will you use if she continues to grab toys from a friend?
What type of discipline did your parents use with you?
We all naturally revert to the discipline we experienced in our families of origin, unless we make a conscious choice to raise our children differently. (And even then, it can be hard!) Your au pair's experience of discipline growing up -- and what she says about it now -- can tell you a lot.
What scares you the most about coming here? What excites you the most?
This set of questions really exposes individuals who haven't thought through the biggest challenges of an au pair job. If you get a pat answer like, "nothing scares me," she probably doesn't understand the reality of life as an au pair. If what excites her about an au pair job doesn't involve child care at all, or is unrealistic, perhaps you should be the one who's scared!
What do you do when you are sad? Happy? How did you celebrate your last birthday?
These questions give you a glimpse of the au pair candidate's personality and lifestyle. You'll also learn about her coping skills and personal habits, so you can judge whether they'll work well in your family and home.
Why should we choose you over all the other au pairs? Or you could ask, what can you teach our children that no other au pairs can?
This is a tough question, so it's okay for her to think about it before answering. You'll not only learn what makes your au pair candidate unique, but also see what her self-image and self-confidence are like. And you never know, it may turn out that she has an unusual and very handy skill that she can teach your children!
Do you ever want to get married? How many children do you want?
These questions will show you whether the au pair is desperate to get married or just sees it as a natural progression some time in the future. Also, beware of a potential au pair who doesn't want any children of her own! While it is a valid life choice to refrain from procreating, you want the person caring for your child to absolutely adore children.
What do you want to be doing five years from now?
This gives you more information about the person and her life goals.
What's your favorite kind of beer or wine?
This is a trick question, designed to elicit whether -- and possibly how much -- the au pair drinks. If you had asked, "do you drink alcohol?" you'd surely get the "right" answer of "no," whether it was true or not. Same goes for the next question you should ask: how much do you smoke?
When was the last time you were sick?
First of all, it would be wonderful to have an au pair with a strong immune system -- given the number of colds that kids catch. Also, you'll learn how she handles an illness, whether it's toughing it out, staying in bed or using drugs and seeing a doctor. If she doesn't say what she was sick with, ask.
Any follow-up questions that occur to you.
These questions are just a starting point for your first interview for an au pair job. As you chat, you'll most likely come up with more questions. Because you aren't in the same geographic location, be prepared to screen more thoroughly than you would have to for an in-person nanny.
Ideally, interview the au pair candidate via Skype or video chat. If you must use an interpreter because of a language barrier, ask the interpreter to relay questions on the spot -- don't just give this list to her and accept translated answers. The decision of which au pair to hire is going to be key to your work-life balance and your children's happiness. The more thorough you can be now, the happier you'll be later.
