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Readers Respond: Let's Dish on Mother's Sex Life

Responses: 8

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Mothers, sex life - do these words even go together? Forget what you've heard. Mothers can have a sex life too. We don't have to leave our libido behind when we become mothers. Please share your own secrets for keeping it spicy between the sheets -- or what you wish your sex life could be.

Morning

We've come to realize that if any lovin' is going to happen, it needs to happen in the morning. By night, I am so wiped out, I can't get in the mood. Morning is better - awake, refreshed, and can really enjoy it!
—Guest JBMomma

Don't Wait Until It's Late at Night

You know those romantic movies where it's late at night and the last thing the couple does before they go to sleep is 'the deed'? Yeah, that doesn't usually work in the real world when you have children! Once a week, my husband and I let the kids eat dinner (we sit with them but don't eat) and then we put them to bed. Once they're asleep, we eat dinner alone together and before we park in front of the TV or start in on chores, we spend intimate time together. This way, we're not too tired or thinking about what all we have to do the next morning. We're just --- together --- as it should be.
—Guest MomOfBoys

Schedule It In

When my kids were small, I was NEVER 'in the mood' because I was so exhausted! Also, once I was able to lie down for a few minutes, all I could think of was all the things I still had to do for the day, or had to prepare for the next day. Having sex arbitrarily added to the top of the list by my husband was actually annoying to me at that time. But once I put it on the list (we actually scheduled it for the same two days each week!) I could plan for it and look forward to it, and let go of the other thoughts in my head. Now that the kids are older (and easier), I don't have to schedule it anymore, it just happens and it's wonderful again. But the scheduling idea got us through what could have been a looong dry spell!
—Guest Elizabeth

read Hump!

There's a great totally inspiring book called HUMP by Kimberly Ford that is a must-read for any mom trying to rekindle her love life (Confessions of a Naughty Mommy is a good one too). I highly recommend it.
—Guest Jennifer Margulis

second time around

I'm not with my children's father anymore; we divorced eight years ago. In my new relationship, we've navigated comfort issues with the kids, privacy, all sorts of things that don't come up as much in the original marriage.
—Guest Melanie Haiken

Make an appointment

Once I made sex a priority and scheduled it once a week, I found it a lot easier to get in the mood. I always know when it's coming, so I have time to think about it and get ready (shower, shave etc). The getting ready is like foreplay. Then there might be some dressing up.... whatever.
—Guest alisa bowman

Reconnecting with your husband

When your children are asleep, you might be tempted to tidy up the house or take a nap yourself, but what's more important is for you to reconnect with your husband. Just remember that no matter how tired you may be from work and all the day's tasks, there's nothing more relaxing than some intimate time with your husband.
—Guest Jennifer

Just do it.

I have to admit, there are many times I feel so tired and I can't even imagine having sex. But something persuades me to try and then it's great. So when I wonder when I was hesitant, I have no idea... So now I try to remember that I need to try and see if I can get into it rather than say no again. Because sometimes you're just surprised! I call it overcoming inertia!
—Guest LeahT

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