1. Parenting

Readers Respond: Working Mothers Share Comments They Hate to Hear

Responses: 25

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Every working mother has heard a comment that makes her see red. "I wouldn't want to be a mom if I couldn't stay home with my kids." Or perhaps, "I could never leave my baby all day long."

Check out these comments that working mothers hate to hear. Then, please share the thoughtless comment that raised your hackles.

for mothers who do not really need a job

This is for mothers who do not really need a job - just for the sake of rolling eyes like jackie said . I have been on both sides too - only, when I was working I did not have kids. And as the 'non-mom worker' said, I had enuf pressure at work because of mothers crying their heart out and earning sympathy - all mothers who had a working, loving husband. they had the kids, so non-mom co-workers had to share the burden. they had jobs, so their family had to share the burden. They were juggling both - so their kids had to understand. just WHAT was the need for their jobs anyway??? I had decided then itself, that I would not work as a MOM. yes I dont want my kids to be raised by others, yes I made a choice. and I feel those who can make a choice, at least those SHOULD. Kids of such double income families get too very pampered in compensation of missing Mommy. Such kids increase peer pressure on kids from single income families who cannot afford the goodies the formers flaunt.
—Guest lucky

Mums all do the best they know how to do

My baby is 17months and I am now faced with a job prospect which, financially we really need to take! But I am crying at the thought of it! Working mothers deserve a HUGE pat on the back and I dnt think most SAHM's appreciate just how hard it is to leave your kids so you can provide a better future for them. To me, a SAHM's role is easier, (Im doing it!) but you do sacrifice luxuries for it as its the case for anyone who doesnt work. There is good and bad points to everything so live and let live but give people credit where it is due
—Guest Sharlsie

To the non mom worker

we do understand you would like to see your parents, but assuming that you are not working all day, and your family isnt far away, you still have time to see them. However santa bringing your kid, who only recently started understanding christmas, toys only happens once. Or Try having to tell your tearful kindergartner, that no you dont think work is more important than spending time with them is, but that you have to be able to feed them.
—Guest Becca

why are you the one working

I hate when people start questioning why my husband stays at home and im the one working. Because he has bad kidneys, working isnt really an option for him now. Due to all the doctors appointments, and the pain he wouldnt be able to actually work. However people always give funny looks when I state that my husband is a stay at home dad, I dont know what they assume but it always feels like they are stating that because I work and he stays home its wrong. Like he is a bad man, because I work and he doesnt. however if he could work he would, it just isnt really feasible at the moment. And another one I got from a young girl without kids was "id simply make staying at home with my baby work, regardless of situation" Well that sounds nice, but in reality, staying at home no matter the cost, would leave my family with no food, no house, no diapers, etc. Id love to be able to make it work staying at home with my son, but given the current situation, someone NEEDS to work. Its what buys food
—Guest Becca

To work or not to work when having kids

To those women who have husbands & don't work...You are lucky beotches for sure.Wouldn't it be something though if you woke up one day with your husband saying,I want a divorce & you were forced to go to work to support you & the kids.Well,there's plenty of us women out there where that's happened & we don't have the LUXURY of deciding to work or not to work.When I got married,I never thought I was going to be divorced with a kid..alone with no one helping.So wake up & smell the roses ladies,you're child will be ok.I was raised with a stay at home mom who was overprotective & really didn't let me do anything.Growing up with lived without alot of "things" other kids had.We had a roof over our heads,food & limited clean clothing but not too much extravagance.My mom claims that if she would have worked,my brother & I would have turned out differently.Maybe so.One thing I didn't gain growing up was "responsibility" because mom did everything for us & "independence".Never spread my wings.
—Guest Divorced Single Parent Mom

About to lose my cool.......

I am tired of being critiqued for being a working mom, and critiqued that I don't drive my baby 3 to 4 hours to visit "family" in all my SPARE time, and don't hand over my baby enough when we are at family functions. What kind of crazy message is that? I should be with my child more as long as it doesn't inconvenience them? I am also getting frustrated that playgroups near us are generally for stay at home moms only. What is with that? Does me working make my daughter different? she is well socialized and happy. And don't get me started on the critiques over feeding my child formula and using disposable diapers. We do what works for our happy well adjusted child. Can't folks just mind their own and stow there opinion? I don't share opinions on how others raise their children, as long as the kids are happy and healthy and the parents are managing their stress adequately, life is good!!I don't have time to analyze beyond that. I am so appreciative to vent in this forum.
—Guest Hardworking mommy

Pet Peeve!!!

I absolutely can not stand it when I hear women say "Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world!". Other versions are "You are so lucky that you work! Staying home is the hardest job I've ever had." or "If the amount of work were quantified, SAH moms would make $100,000 a year". I can't stand this!!!! As a working mother (and a former stay at home mom), I take great offense when I hear this. Yes, taking care of the kids, the house, appointments, etc is a lot of work, but working mothers still do that work AND have a full time job.
—Guest guest w m

Everyone has an opinion

Other peoples' comments shouldn't bother you so much unless you were already bothered by the situation in the first place. Everyone will always have an opinion, and saying they are judgmental for "judging" you is a judgement on them...just so you realize. You are being just as "judgmental" as they are by labelling them judgemental. That, too, is a judgement. So everyone will have their opinions and if you really feel right about what you're doing, their opinions shouldn't send you over the moon in rage. If someone feels a certain way, "I would never let someone else raise my kids" for instance, they have just as much right to feel that way as you do to feel the way you do. You don't have to agree, but don't pretend to have the superior viewpoint while calling others judgmental when you are being just as judgemental in judging them. It's plain hypocrisy. Everyone has a right to an opinion, even if it does't agree with yours.
—Guest Everyone is "Judgmental"

mom send kid to daycare and DOESNT have

I am appalled by this, the girl is 23 and has a boyfriend, but quit her job, then just sat at home all day , while her mother pays close to 1000/month to send her grandaughter to daycare. Am I the only one who thinks this is so incredibly sad?
—Guest wannamama

bad mommy?

I hate when people say "Do you ever get to see your baby? or When do you have time for your baby?" and I have to say "NO cause I work night shift and she has to go to daycare during the day so she can keep her spot. Also I dont get home till 12:30 1am. and I get to see her when she wakes up at night for a bottel then she goes back to bed!! And then I have to get up at 7am and take her to day care and have to pick her up at 1pm and take her to grandmaws and I head to work agian!" I already feel horrible that i cant see her more then 2 hours a day!!! They just make it worse on me when they ask this Rude!!!! question. I have to work or we cant live and provide for my baby girl. And my husband is the only other one to help and he has to work as well!!!! I do love my baby girl and wish i could see her more she is only 2 months and all i had was 6 weeks with her at home..... :(
—Guest maree

Heading back to work

I am returning back to work in two weeks and have mixed feelings. Financially I have to go back to work but I hate the thought of leaving my baby. She is already doing well at daycare but I want to be around for all of her firsts. I understand the conflict between the stay at home moms and those that have to work. It would be hard for me to stay at home full time and give my daughter the fun she has at daycare but I miss her at the same time when she is away from me. My husband comes from a family of stay at home mothers and the comments I get are heartbreaking. My all time favorite is when people tell you stories they heard of what "really" goes on at daycare. Like I am not feeling guilty enough.
—Malorysmom

Another from both sides of the fence

As a former working mother I feel great sympathy for the sacrifices that working mothers are FORCED to make. However, I also know from experience that working mother's complaints over assumptions made about finances are nothing more than the pot calling the kettle black. My husband is not rich and daycare costs more than I make. We have sacrificed more than a few vacations for me to be able to stay at home; things such as owning our own home, or owning nice clothes or cars, or even sometimes getting medical care for ourselves. Working moms, we are all sisters trying to make the best of what we have. Stop making assumptions about my financial health and I'll stop making assumptions of yours.
—Guest Dani

Now, who is watching your kids??

The comment/question that really annoyed me after I returned to work after having my son, was from two female co-workers, both in their 50's & both of whom did not work outside the home until their kids were school-aged, was, "Now, who exactly is watching your son?" First, it was irritating because the horrified tone of voice they used to deliver the question made it clear that they thought I surely must have left my 3 month old with a deranged serial killer. Second, I was having a difficult enough time adjusting back to work (it was my first day back!) while trying not to obsess over every minute I was missing with my son, & those two seemed intent on making me feel guiltier than I already did for having to return to work. Lastly, I just wanted to scream at them for their blissful ignorance at never having to work outside the home when their kids were little. I am the primary breadwinner for my family & I have to work. Most women my age have to work so why is this even still an issue?
—Guest Tired of being Judged

playdough

I have 3 kids (ages 5 down to 1). Someone in my family said to me: "Kids are like Play-Doh for the first 5 years and after that they are hardend. I'd rather be the one molding them than some stranger". I guess my 5 year old is a lost cause - molded by strangers. I'm holding out hope for the 2 remaining kids.
—Guest amy

Overwhelmed

I don't care what people say - I just wish I could get sleep and get a handle on things myself. I hate working and leaving my babies but they do great in daycare and I need to work until my husband's job is secure - I might always need to work. I find it incredibly stressful to leave them. I don't feel quilt. I feel sad. I'm tired. I've never felt such strong love before. I hope once I get some sleep - it will get easier.
—Guest Rachel

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