From the article: Dealing With Working Moms Guilt, Whether You Love or Hate Your Job
Never regret about your choice
- I have always been working. My parents both worked their entire life while we were kids. Do I feel guilty of leaving my girls (5 and 12) in daycare/afterschool... of course I do. But I am happy that I am able to raise two beautiful kids by myself (divorced a year ago and before that, I was like single parent anyway.) while still have a sense of professional achievement. I never felt sorry for myself. Whether staying at home or working is a personal choice. Once you make it, don't be regretful. Only to work the best out of it. There are always pros and cons for both. I know I made the best choice of staying at work. There are times I feel maybe I should stay at home. But mostly I am happy even it means running around with kids' activities all the time, choatic dinner time, and so on.
- —Guest Maggie
Cabin fever in and out of the office
- I was a working single mom of one for seven years and every day dreamed how much better life would be if I didn't have to rely on family for day care! Lets face it, sometimes your take home only allows for groceries or day care, not both! I finally met a wonderful man and here I am with a beautiful baby girl. I have learned that the fantasy is much different from the reality. I do not maintain a perfect houselhold. The dishes stay dirty some days and I am more stir crazy here then I ever was in an office. It truly is a trade off. Did I get to see her first steps. Yes, that's a matter of luck, my husband did also and he works all day. I take my daughter for walks and running errands, but now I find myself hungering for the success I felt when I got a pay raise, praise and saw that check pop in the bank. I don't regret my decision, but I see now that sometimes taking care of our children means taking of our needs as adults. We are better parents when we're happy and healthy!
- —Guest Amy
Sometimes you just have to work...
- As a single mother with a five year old I do occasionally feel guilty, but I think that it's important to remember when one is doing the best that one that one is only a mortal with limited time. After all, my child would be a lot more distressed if we had nowhere to live and no food to eat, after all. Just do the best that you can and don't waste time on guilt, because that's time you could be using to make yourself feel better so that when you do have time with your child, you can use it well. One of my tricks is on days when I come home exhausted rather than staying up late and catching up on my endless tasks, I go to bed early and let my five year old sleep in bed with me. It gives us snuggle time and I always do better the next day when I have lots of sleep. The dishes and laundry will still be there when I wake up.
- —Dawnelle_
Mommy Color First
- Every morning I try to make time to "play" with my daughter before I rush out the door. But she of course wants more time. This morning as I was pulling on my coat (10 minutes late for the bus already) she asked me to come sit down. "Mommy has to go to work," I said. "No. Mommy color first." I gave her a kiss and cried all the way to the bus stop...and I am crying again now.
- —Guest maisey
New mom guilt
- I have an 11 week old beautiful baby girl and I just started back to work last week. My husband and I are lucky because his mother and sister keep her instead of us having to send her to day care. I have been fine until this morning when his sister came to pick her up to take her to church with her. I am the one that should be doing this. I just spoke to my sister-in-law and now they are going shopping. I'm so jealous I can't stand it. I work 10 hour days and my husband works night shift so we really have no family time. When I get home at night I barely have time to read her a bedtime story before it's time to get her in bed. I feel so depressed and guilty I don't know what to do with myself. I want to be a good mom and give her all the attention and interaction she needs and I feel terrible that someone else is getting to do this. I know things will get easier as time goes on but I feel like I might lose my mind first.
- —Guest Andrea
I can relate
- I'm a single dad and the guilt I feel is very similar. I frequently feel that I'm just not trying hard enough. Or that, no matter what I do, I'm failing him. There are no easy answers. Whenever I feel down though, I just try to remember that there are many more children in the world growing up in abysmal circumstances. Cold comfort, I know, but it helps with the guilt a little.
- —Guest single dad
Anticipatory Guilt
- I haven't even gone back to work yet and I can't sleep thinking about leaving my little girl in the care of someone else. I know the best thing to do is enjoy the time I have at home with my daughter but the thought of going back to work is a dark cloud that constantly hovers over me. I have imagined so many possible scenarios to be able to stay home. But the fact that we need health insurance gives me no choice but to go back to work. How will I be able to do it? I'm already losing sleep and my first day back at work is still weeks away. I am afraid that it will affect my marriage because part of me blames my husband for being in this situation. By me going back to work, he can pursue his dream of owning and operating his own business. I can only pray that this will be a short term situation. What triggers my guilt? Seeing my daughter's sweet, sleepy smile when waking up from her nap. I know I won't get to see that when I go back to work.
- —Guest working mom
No Choice....
- I have a wonderful husband who helps out and takes care of my child's sport activities, but unfortunately he is a teacher and even if I wanted to stay home, we cannot live on a teacher's salary. So not only do I have to work, but I am the main income of our family. I guess it all depends on the quality of life you want to give your children, we could probably go on my husband's salary, but thinking of all the things we have to give up, it is not feasible. I try to cherish and enjoy every second I get with my son, and let him know about it. For me this is what counts, not quantity but quality. And being a working mother helps out on the quality part too!
- —Guest Aifos
Guilt at returning to work
- Reading all this makes me realise I am not alone.My LO is 5months old and although work gives me only 9months paid mat leave,i am terrified of going back to work. Its always been my intention to return to work full time even though I dont like my job much because of financial reasons. Now I dont know what to do. I dread returning to work because i dont want to miss out but financially i have to.suffering from PPD doesn't help either. Just feeling miserable about it all.OH is studying full time so cant look after LO,its all down to me and my wage. I know things will get better but cant see the wood for the trees.
- —Guest New mum of one
Wish it was easier
- I am in school to become a PA and have internships for 12 hour days, by the time I am done I just can't even move my body. My poor 2 year old boy misses me but sometimes I feel he is even becoming accustomed to me not being around, which breaks my heart. I hate hearing from mil about his day or coming home to accidents etc, I know this happens with children but I feel that if I was there I could help him. Why can't life be easy? My son needs me and I need him...
- —Guest Sadmommy
:(
- I am a single mother of 2, a 2 yr old and 3 mnth old. I work full time and for the last month i been wrkn atleast 16 hrs a day about 3x a week and it breaks my heart but i have a house payment and so many bills and i want to be able to give them everything i can. i dont plan to work to much more overtime but i feel like im missing out so much on my lil ones' i feel guilty but i gotta what i gotta do to do better for them.
- —Guest feeling guilty
Babysitting at work
- I manage a bunch of whiners and drama queens. The negativity at work drains me that I have little energy by the time I get home. I hate that all my energy is being spent 'taking care' of people that I don't even respect, when I could be spending real quality time with my babies.
- —Guest Mom of two
Military Mom
- I kinda feel guilty going back to work but we really don't have an option. My husband doesn't have the educational background to find a decent paying job so any job he did have would only cover daycare expenses, so he is the stay at home dad. Our daughter is 7 weeks old and he's doing a great job. I even come home to a clean house most days. I'm active duty military so I need to stay where I'm at so we have health insurance and the security of know how much and when the next paycheck is comming.
- —Guest Andrea
Angry and guilty...
- Not only do I feel guilty for having to stay home, but I'm upset that in our society, one income is usually not enough to support a family. We make very good money combined, but neither of us makes enough to sustain a good standard of living. On one income, we would fall just above the welfare income line, leaving us without any assistance. I am struggling with PPD because of the guilt, anger, and hurt I feel because of my job. I wonder if my husband feels as guilty as I do...
- —Guest SJames
Monday Mornings and summer are worst
- My son is 9 and he's been in daycare/school/summer camp full time since he was 2-1/2. What bothers me the most is that he's old enough now to guilt trip me because he has to go to summer camp. Why can't he have a "normal" summer? He's constantly asking me that. My job is VERY stressful, especially during summer time. It makes it VERY hard to be there for him the way he needs. Doesn't help me either as the stress wakes me up at night. When he's unhappy, I just want to give up. But, quitting would make things WAY worse. I have to work if we want to eat. Personally, I'm feeling VERY trapped.
- —Guest guest kim
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